Say something

On the really bad days
We'd hide out
Behind my locked bedroom door
And I would lie to you
Saying my hands were shaking
Because I was cold

On the really bad days
We'd turn up my music
To drown out
The shouting and the slamming doors
We'd sit with our backs
Against my bedroom door
Barricading ourselves away
From the anger down below

On the really bad days
I would tell you stories
Stories that carried a promise
That where we were
Wouldn't be forever
We held on during the battles
And I promised you
We would make it 
Through the war

Paul

I've always had to take care of myself

I was an adult by age thirteen

And responsible for taking care of her

But 

I slipped up

When I gave him everything

Everything he didn't want

And

He took my lungs

Left me to fall apart

Living without air

So 

I became a ghost 

The forgotten girl in tears

I started to disappear

Until

You pulled me back from the edge

Fear in your eyes

With anger twisting your words

Then

You promised not to leave

And I told you not to make

Promises you couldn't keep

Beast

I can tell
That people think
You are dangerous
They avoid your eyes
And move aside
Parting like the sea

The scars that line your face
And twist along your arms
Ending at clenched fists
Tell a half story
And I wonder if anyone knows
What really happened to you
From the beginning 
To the very end

I've heard the rumors
The terrible things
They said were done to you
Always spoken in hushed tones
Behind open hands 
Hands that tried to hide
The ugliness
Of the words spilling out

When you look over at me
I can see the fury in your eyes
And I want to tell you
That I am angry too
None of this
Should have happened 
To you

But I am unsteady
Pushed along by those 
That are behind
So I stumble past you
Thrown back into the chaos
Of the crowded hall
Into a sea of people
That press between us 
And swallow me whole

And then you

I stand along the edge

Shouting out

My misery

To the gods 

Who do not listen

Hope is a dead thing 

Blood spit from my mouth 

Hacked away with metal

And her forgiving stare

So I court death 

The only opponent left

With harsh laughter 

And a mocking grin

For I am the god
Of the arena
With the sky above

And her corpse always beside me
I am the victor of empty things

=

There is so much anger

Inside of my heart 

As I watch

You suffer 

I want to scream out

Against their convictions

But the words stay twisted

Inside of my mouth

Grief is a strange thing

It rears its head intermittently

Making sure that I don't forget

What's been done to us

There is so much rage 

Inside of my heart

I choke back tears

They never help

Monday

Another rainy day 
Is pouring down outside
I don't want to go out
I'd rather stay in and hide

I'll make myself a home
Under a blanket fort
With vanilla tea
And christmas lights

I'll stack pillows way up high
My books will keep me company
They'll send me far away
From the dreary world waiting outside

I asked for peace (you gave me a war)

I'm sorry
And I know that's not enough
It doesn't take back what has been done

I'm sorry
I don't know what else to say
I'm just as lost as you

I'm sorry
You and I had to grow up 
Far too soon

Try

Sometimes
I forget to breathe
The world gets narrow
And my lungs scream

It's like drowning
Or being buried down deep
A prison that only I can see

Sometimes
I get so tired of fighting
And there is no ending
Only a reprieve

Wishes

Sometimes I wish
I didn't know you
That I didn't belong
To anyone

It would be easier
To let myself be lost
If I never had anything
To remind me of home

I don't want to have a history
I want to be wiped clean
A painless, glorious, blank thing

Sometimes I wish
I had not met you
That I didn't know your love
So I could be broken
And not belong
To anyone

Him

When I feel alone and scared
I pull you out of familiar pages
That safe place I call home
I have you stay beside me
And let you help fight off
The ache of my loneliness

I hear you tell me 
That it's gonna be alright
I close my eyes
And try to believe the lie
You never seem to mind
So I let you see me cry

Ache

There's an aching behind my eyes

You are the same

With words that sound so familiar

Pulled from memories

Sending me back 

To a past 

That is hard to recognize